1. Here’s the easiest one: Stop being a part of a church that “irritatingly” teaches the Bible, especially the parts that make you feel bad for the low number of times you have personally shared your faith. After all, the purpose of going to church is just to make you feel good. Right?
2. Find a church that makes you feel like you’re doing evangelism, but never actually encourages you to do it. Usually this falls under the heading of “getting involved in giving back to the community.” Because that’s why Jesus died on the cross. So we could “give back to the community.”
3. Never, under any circumstances, pray for your non-Christian friends to accept Christ. At least not more than once. That would be creepy and fanatical.
4. Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let’s be honest: it’s pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes from those verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful.
5. Lie to yourself when you feel a twinge of guilt for not sharing your faith by repeating the phrase: “Evangelism is God’s (and my pastor’s) job. My job is to be a good example.”
6. Justify your lack of evangelism by telling yourself that you’re trying to not be like the creepy fundamentalists who come on too strong. Like the nuts on Facebook or that crazy church who sent people to your door recently. Because in every other area of your life, of course you stop doing important things because other people take things a little too far.
7. Dabble in other religions, especially Buddhism. Buddhists are cool. You don’t have to believe in God and there are no hard demands made on your life. Of course keep your Christian “cover” (most of your friends are Christians, and, quite frankly, it’s good for business contacts), but don’t let the Christainity thing go to your head. It’s all pretty much the same thing.
8. Stop being so deeply involved in your church. And for the love of God, stop giving to your church. Let other people do that. Stop drinking the Kool-Aid. Money will eventually drop out of the sky to create and nurture ministries that build up believers and reach non-Christians. Other people will pay for the awesome stuff the church does for your kids. Let other people sacrifice. You spend that hard-earned money on yourself.
9. Every time the topic of hell comes up, bring up the example of the poor lonely native in Africa that’s never heard the gospel, and how it would be horrible if God sent that person to hell. Then make sure you add, “That’s not the God I choose to believe in.” Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator, he’s too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works. And he definitely won’t mind if you “create your own” version of reality.
10. Completely block out of your mind the scene of your friend standing before God on judgment day. And the fact when he or she looks back on all the time they spent with you they’ll wonder how in the world you justified not doing everything within your power to nudge them back toward God. Yes, you talked about football, politics, golf, and the Kardashian sisters. But talking about Jesus would have been out of line. I get it. You don’t need that on your conscience. Block it out. You have too much stress in your life as it is. Just do the Buddhist thing and block it all out. Turn on some Jimmy Buffet. And stick to dreaming about your summer vacation.
Know any other sure-fire ways to alleviate guilt for not evangelizing? Leave a comment.