I’ve always had great respect for church leaders (paid and volunteer) who wear their souls on their sleeves. But who among us hasn’t, for the sake of a quick laugh or a momentary pull on the heartstrings, shared something they wished they could take back. It’s a fine line to walk.

A few years ago I was preaching on some topic, I don’t remember now what it was, but I’ll never forget throwing in, off the cuff, a story about my old youth ministry years “blue flaming.” If you’re not familiar with blue flaming, it involves a lighter, a bunch of Junior High kids who’ve had too many baked beans, and a youth leader who has spent one too many night doing church lock-ins. Thinking this story would bring the house down, I proceeded to share TMI. Waaaayyyy TMI. Within seconds I wanted to crawl off the stage. To this day I still cringe when I think about that grand moment.

Yet “blue flaming” is minor compared to what we’ve all heard guys and gals let out from the platform, or in a small group or at a youth leader’s meeting: affairs, sexual addictions, colossally poor financial decisions, marital issues, prior church conflicts, and even secret hankerings for country music. We’ve heard it all. How did those words, however innocent at the time, come back to haunt them one, two, and three years on down the line?

I’ve always felt that the Apostle Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 1:12-15 serve as a pretty good guideline for how and when we should reveal things:

12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.

There are two guidelines I see in this passage about sharing personal sins and struggles:

1. It’s always better to share in generalities

Paul uses three sordid words to describe his former life: blasphemer, persecutor, and violent man. The problem is he never fills in the blanks. I’ve delivered messages where I’ve painted disgusting pictures of Paul potentially stoning people, the whole deal. But that was based on pure conjecture. Not once does he ever share at that level.

A few years back a volunteer youth leader friend of mine from California was being frowned upon by his fellow youth coaches. “All I did was share in a youth leader’s meeting that five years ago I looked at porn on my computer,” he told me. “I made sure to tell them that I’ve been clean ever since. But it’s changed everything. Everyone treats me differently now.” While I applaud his courage, I question his tack. Couldn’t the same thing had been accomplished by speaking in more general terms publicly but in great detail privately with a trusted accountability partner?

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