- Have him watchSteve Job’s 2005 Commencement Address at Stanford University.Hearing one of the greatest iconoclasts of our time talk candidly about dying is sobering and profound.
- Encourage him to read James Emery White’s little book called Search For The Spiritual.It’s the single best introduction to Christianity in print for people like your husband. I give that to every skeptical man I meet.
- Find a church that has a pastor your husband will like and believes in evangelism.Emerson once said, “Every institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.” The church is no different. Find a church served by a pastor who has a proven track record of reaching people like your husband.
- Tell him you want both of you to take the Myers-Briggs Temperament Indicator.The Myers-Briggs is the most widely administered personality test in the world. I’ve found that nothing opens a non-believing man up to self-reflection like that test. You can find an online version HERE. It’s amazing how easily reflecting on their temperament naturally leads a man to contemplate his purpose in life. Here are the companion books I always give men to read after taking the test: Do What You Are(how your personality affects your career choices), Just Your Type (how your personality affects your marriage), and Type Talk (a general introduction to the Myers-Briggs). I’d encourage you to buy all three.
- Join a Bible study group for couples, even though you may go alone and feel “spiritually single.”A big mistake women in your shoes make is they tend to gravitate (almost exclusively sometimes) to other women with nonbelieving husbands for camaraderie. That’s fine, but make sure you also join Bible study groups for couples that do fun stuff together outside of their meetings. Invite your husband along occasionally. He needs to see Christian men who aren’t weird, if only once a year at a Christmas party.
- Choose your Jesus battles carefully.The number one thing non-Christian men tell me about their Christian wives is they come on too strong. I never tell someone I’m a Christian till they ask me. I live it out and wait till they ask, “What’s up?” That’s good advice for you. As one spiritual writer said, “Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.”
- Make it your goal to act like you did when you first met him.The second thing unbelieving men tell me is they are unhappy, and one of the main reasons they’re unhappy is because youare unhappy. They see a real disconnect between the joy you say God brings and how you actually live. Recapture the vivacious, interesting, growing, beautiful side of yourself that he fell in love with. Listen, undoubtedly a good part of the reason you’ve not been yourself is he’s been a jerk at times! I get that. But if you keep telling yourself that you’ll be happy once he changes, you’ll find that to be a tough road . You need to find joy in spite of him, not because of him.
- Get a will.Nothing turns a man into a reflective weeping mess of emotions like being forced to confront his mortality on a blank white sheet of paper. Trust me.
- Make sure he understands the gospel.Many husbands think their wives just want them to go to church. Your husband needs to understand what’s behindyour desire to go to church – the story about Jesus, what it means for his life, and why it’s important that he embraces it. Here is an example of me explaining the gospel to people far from God. Steal it. The quicker you explain the gospel the sooner your husband will start processing spiritual matters.
- Pray that he experiences pain.Sometimes the only thing that can break through a self-sufficient heart is pain. Pray that God breaks your husband. I know that sounds harsh, but you and I both know what is at stake. Whenever I meet with a guy and he’s arrogantly rejecting the gospel, I immediately start praying for him to suffer. The next time we meet, maybe a year later, it’s amazing how much life has humbled him and how receptive he is to the gospel.
Listen, in the past 25 years I’ve stood alongside dozens of women in your shoes. I know this can get lonely. I know you get frustrated. I know how you feel when you walk into church alone. I know you feel like you and your family are missing out.
I want you to know that you can do this.
I believe in you.
Don’t give up.
You are not alone.
Have anything else you’d add to the list?
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