How To Pick Which Nutty Christians To Unfriend On Facebook

How To Pick Which Nutty Christians To Unfriend On Facebook

If you’re sick of nutty Christians arguing on Facebook, I have GREAT news for you.

There’s this thing on Facebook called an “unfriend” button, and it works!

A month ago, I said “that’s it” and began unfriending crazy Christians “friends” like I was on crack.

Since I thought that you, my dear friends, might want to do the same, I took notes.

Here are some of the ways you can know which Christians you should (and should not) delete on Facebook BASED ON ACTUAL PEOPLE I JUST DELETED:

Anyone who describes themselves as a “Prophetic Evangelistic” who “studied at the school of the Holy Spirit” is a safe DELETE.
Nine times out of ten the title “Apologist” is “code” for “I live in my parent’s basement and can’t get a real job because I like belligerently arguing with everyone.” DELETE.
Backstreet Boys pic for Facebook image? This is a tricky one. How old are they? Any Christian in their thirties who regularly posts about the Backstreet Boys is not someone you want to tick off. KEEP.
Anyone who is the pastor of “The Fire Baptized Holiness Church of God of the Americas” you mustBEST CHURCH. NAME. EVER.
Someone with a guitar in their hand? Could be a Worship Pastor, could be an Elvis impersonator. Tread lightly on the unfriend button. We can all agree that we need fewer Worship Pastors and MORE Elvis impersonators as Facebook friends! KEEP.
Facebook profile photo of a super ripped Christian trucker in his 50’s wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt holding TWO AR-15 rifles? Again, that’s tricky, but my guess is You WANT that Christian guy standing up for you if you’re being bullied online. KEEP.
Christian motivational speaker? Um, “Motivational speaker” is code for “I’m going to constantly send you personal messages to join my multi-level marketing pyramid scheme.” That’s a safe DELETE.
Anyone who lists their occupation as “Street Evangelistic FOR THE LORD” is a safe unfriend, if for no other reason than I can just hear the guy screaming in my ear FOR THE LORD!!!” Yep, DELETE that guy.
Any Christian that says their first name in their Facebook profile is “Blessed” is 100% a safe DELETE. “Blessed” is code for “I live with 64 cats and love Nicholas Cage movies.”
Finally, half of the guys who list their Facebook names as “Their first name + their wife’s first name” (ex. Bill and Jeanine Smith) are definitely men whose wives caught them watching porn. These guys will not be allowed to hang out with you any time soon. DELETE.

Well, I hope these guidelines help!

You. Are. Welcome.

Brian

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